Top News

Gone are the days of clueless dads. Today’s fathers know their children’s class, teacher’s name, the school project due date and even their bub’s favourite dabba dish. This Father’s Day, Sunday Times asked some well-known dads to share their best lessons on fatherhood


My aim: My baby kindest

Indraneil Sengupta, actor

My kid Meira is 13 going on 14, and I always tell her, never leave your personhood for anything. You may be someone’s girlfriend, wife or mother someday, but most importantly, you have to be Meira. A relationship shouldn’t be an entitlement for anyone. I want her to hold her ground as an individual in this world. Kindness and gratitude are the buzzwords today.


My parents never told me to be kind or show gratitude. I learned by seeing these qualities in them. Children learn from what they see. Teaching reduces these to a mere exercise; it doesn’t become your inherent behaviour. Everyone is well behaved with people of equal power or those stronger. But if I’m well behaved with those of lesser social standing (my helpers, my chauffeur, the sabziwala), that’s what my child sees and picks up. A lot of people are good parochially, towards their own people. But your goodness should touch everyone. Meira’s too young to understand the depth of it, but she will eventually learn. I am also aware of the influence of social media, so I make it a point to not let everything be an Insta-story for me. I don’t try to project a certain kind of lifestyle online. And she sees that. At a dinner outing last month, I asked her to tell me something she likes about me, she said: “I like the fact that you don’t care about validation.” I asked her if she cared. She said: “Yeah Papa, very much.” I told her, “Beta, you should not. It doesn’t matter, it’s all momentary. Do things you like. Don’t do stuff to make others happy at the cost of your own happiness.” That’s one step in the right direction.





Be their friend, not a feared figure


Atul Khatri, stand up comic

I have two daughters and one wife who looks like my daughter. So technically, I am a dad of three. My biggest learning? When it comes to fun things like partying and shopping, they don’t need me but when it comes to tough things in life like filling up immigration forms or linking your PAN to AADHAR, I become the most important person in the house. Nowadays, kids are very smart and you have to respect them, their thoughts and their opinions. You have to evolve with them if you want to survive.
Earlier the dad typically was a strict, disciplined person who you got scared of, who was there to continuously scold you over small things. He was the parent who came and switched off the fan in your room at 7 am to wake you up. These days, a father has to be a friend, a guide, not someone you are scared or embarrassed of, someone you can share a drink with but still the guy who will switch off the fan in your room at 7am. Every Diwali evening — I come out of my room and scream “ITNI LIGHTS KYUN ON HAIN?? AAJ DIWALI HAI KYA?”. My family hates this joke but I think it is the best Dad joke ever told.
Some of the recently married comics are so scared of fatherhood. They think it will curb their freedom, the expenses related to raising a child, schooling etc. I tell them they have survived a mother-in-law and that they can handle anything in this world.
My advice to all dads out there? Don’t give your kids ‘traas’ (meaning ‘unnecessary stress’ in Marathi). They have a lot of things going on anyways. Trust them and respect them.


Show, don’t tell


Ankur Warikoo , entrepreneur and author

Kids don’t learn by doing.
They learn by observing.
So my role as a father is not to become their father.
My role as a father is to become the person I wish my kids to become.
In doing so, I not just become a better version of myself, I also remove the need to parent my kids.


Never trade peace for applause


Roshan Abbas, TV and radio host

I’ve always told my kids that the world may reward loud success — but remember, the quiet choices define you. Show up. Stay kind. Stay curious.

Here’s what I know now as a father: showing up matters more than showing off. It’s important to remind our children to find their tribe, honour their craft, and never trade peace for applause. I tell them to go ahead knowing I am always there, and live boldly. But don’t forget to pause, to feel, to call home.
Especially as a father to older children, it’s important to remind them that they may be too big for our laps, but never too big for our hearts.


Give wings, they will fly


Manish Mehrotra, chef

As a father and a chef, I’ve seen both at home and at work how crucial decision-making is for young people today. My daughter is in college now, training to be a chef. She knew she wanted this from the 8th standard. I made sure she understood both the glamour and the grit — the long hours, the pressure, the physical work. Today, she’s doing her externship at a Michelin-starred restaurant in New York, working 10 to 12 hours a day. When she calls me at 1 am after finishing her shift and taking out the trash, I remind her: You chose this. My advice to young people? Don’t rush decisions. Take your time. Don’t get influenced by trends or what looks glamorous on Instagram. I’ve seen too many kids spend four years in hotel management or engineering only to realise later it wasn’t for them. Those are years you won’t get back. It’s okay to take a break, figure things out and then move forward with clarity. Challenges will come in any path. But if your heart's in it, you’ll be able to face them. That’s what I want my daughter — and others — to know.


Gift your kids your time

Vatsal Sheth, actor & model

Becoming a father is an amazing feeling….one that you can’t really articulate or put in words. Our son Vaayu is two and our daughter was born just earlier this week.

I don’t know if I can offer advice, but what I do try to do is be there for Vaayu. I make sure that I take out time to play with him. I try to wake up with him and I have done it all, including changing diapers and cleaning his potty, making him shower. I feel that these tasks are very important for bonding with your kids. So, I think we should just go with the flow, be there for your kids. Make sure you make them your priority. Other things will keep happening in life, but your kids will not be little any more.
In fact, when we were expecting our second, Ishita was not allowed to get out of the house. So, I would take Vaayu to his mother-toddler classes. I was the only dad in class but I did not mind. A lot of people talk about moms taking time out for their kids. But we dads also do the same. I consciously stopped taking assignments when I knew I was needed at home. I think it is very important to be there for your family, as a father and as a husband.


Having children restores wonder to the world

Kautuk Srivastava , standup comic

Comedians have a terrible tendency to measure life events in the number of minutes of material they’ll get out of it. If you get mugged and you tell a comedian about it, they’ll probably respond with, “I can’t believe you found 10 new minutes in a dark alley.” Becoming a parent is no different. Fatherhood is already so dramatic and bewildering that you can’t help but make light of it. Through standup, I’ve been documenting the changes I’ve experienced since becoming a father. I was joking about how after having a baby, my views on nepotism have considerably softened.

I’ve also been thinking about the evolution of fatherhood. The modern father is friends with their child. Previous fathers were more like acquaintances—cordial, polite but distant. The biggest change that having a daughter has had is that I am now acquainted with every shade of pink that exists on the Pantone shade card. Oh, and 'Baby Shark' is now my most played song on Spotify. By a long stretch.

When we were expecting, I wanted to read books on fatherhood—hoping to cram for the exam at the last minute. At the bookstore, the shelves were full of books on pregnancies, parenting, and motherhood. After much hunting, I finally found a few titles on fatherhood cowering in a corner.

When it comes to parental love, mother’s love is the market leader. Father’s love is the niche brand that people turn to if mother’s love is out of stock. Still, I think it’s helpful to add our dadly perspectives. Parenting can be such a confounding experience. It is soothing to know that you are not alone in your own stumbling and bumbling, and the things you’re dealing with are not your problems alone. Comedy lightens the burden, not by reducing the load, but by increasing the number of people carrying it.

Witnessing the birth of my child is truly as magical as it’s advertised. As far as lessons go: the old cliché of kids growing up too fast is painfully true. Growing up reduces the world to the mundane, predictable, and unremarkable. Having children restores the wonder to the world. As you see the world through your child’s eyes, suddenly everything is fresh and majestic again. The flap of a crow’s wings, the gravel in a dog’s bark, the burst of flavour when you bite through a litchi, the indelibility of a crayon on a white wall—all restored to their proper intensity.

Sympathy also sprouts for your own parents. Now that you’re going through it, you finally begin to understand the strains, struggles, and sacrifices they must have endured behind the scenes in raising you.

I think my personal rating for me as a father would be 2.5 stars out of 5. One time watch. My only advice to future fathers would be that your patience must be as deep as your love.




— As told to Neha Bhayana, Shruti Sonal , Sneha Bhura , Sharmila Ganesan Ram